AUGUST 2020 | MUHARRAM

tomorrow is muharram, the start of the islamic calendar. taking this opportunity to write for a new beginning.

a start. a change. an another alhamdulillah.

if i wanna describe this year in one word, it should be “miracle”.

and so, going along with the meaning of how i describe this year for me, words are running in my mind like they can’t wait to be expressed. events in details are overwhelming they might escape. XD 

i would like to start with gratitude, a “THANK YOU” 😊with a smile on my face remembering this adorable kid yesterday in that small restaurant. i am inspired. not because i was just discovering the power of gratitude but to receive it from a very innocent beautiful being is just pleasing.

to start with this blog, i had tons and tons of drafts starting last year 2019, to write a post and keep up to date with my technotes. haha, i guess i am just a failure. the cycle i went through, i started writing and then put it off, then started another paragraph with the new title and then delete them, then goes back to the previous topic and thought i shouldn’t have deleted the previous one until big events happened. 2019 i started my job as technical representative in a global service desk company in this country. meaning, i am far from my family and i don’t have much family responsibility and so i can keep up with my hobbies, for example sketching, writing and traveling & spots. none of it happened instead i have discovered so many things about me about people about life and of course about how Allah’s plan is always the perfect plan. 

the aftermath of the eventful and intense 2019 to 2020 for me is that (a) no matter how much i wanted to tell mom and dad that i can take care of myself, they will still doubt it and (b) coronavirus has changed my life’s perspective. life is short. family is gold. jobs are temporary. health is wealth. save for yourself. give and give, money, care, kindness, prayer.

as a decision maker for my own life, i have decided to go home and leave this job for good and hopefully i can serve my parents as i have served myself for almost 10 years and counting. a blessing that not everyone could get and i am ready to give something back for them. my time and service. i hope i won’t mess up this time around. making me miss home wasn’t easy. i never missed home i never wanted to go home. i love living outside. hanging out with my friends, knowing people, inspiring people, be inspired, learning stuffs, getting a new language, having a new sports, improving social communication skills until The One who has made everything possible has put it to an end. THANK YOU for the experience. keeping all the good and remember the lessons from the bad.

i am excited to continue this life that has been given to me, keeping in touch with the people i have met outside. i am just blessed, thinking all this was just once was a wish when i was just a poor kid and now it was all getting manifested eventually. can i say subhanallah big time for that! YES! because every time i look back, none of these people, things, experience, skills i have had right now occupied my wish lists back then, except having a laptop. i was a kid i didn’t even know i’ll have it because our parents never inspired us to buy stuffs only because they focus on paying our school tuition fees. but one thing i am sure why this has been a blessing, it is because i was praying a lot, doing my homework as a student. no gadgets available. joined all by my siblings because we are not allowed to play around most of the time. tv watching is limited. playing nintendo is limited. seeing our cousins or hanging out with them is limited. sleeping is limited. We are in an army households and didn’t know our parents are just preparing us towards the crucial world. 

and so, at this very moment, i am glorifying every little things that had happened here and there(previously and present) and all the people i have meet. this is because i am thankful that i still got a chance to be with my family and give service to people with the remaining life i have. 

i am still breathing…

this my friend, if you are reading… i really meant to say that if your plan is accordance with Allah’s plan for you, then you will accomplish it but when it’s not, know that His plan is much much better than yours and in what’s happening in the world right now? nothing is certain except changes and death. my long term plan has always been changing and so does my short term depending on the situation.

i’ll be back and read this in case i will need those words in the future.

writing this blog for August. :) if ever i haven’t mentioned before that every things i have or own i.e. phone, tablet etc, i call them names. 

2020 is a year of appreciating everything we have. and that includes you, being able to read thi again. 

much <3,

js

coffee talk | am i afraid to have a relationship?

this is a question most of them asked(me). because in this generation, having a relationship is what makes you an experienced personality? might be true. but what is not so good at it is the lack of protocol and losing one's self. for most of what i had observed.

i guess i'm just not a typical youth, and so my friends are. from previous to presents. for where i am right now makes me realize that i lived at two different worlds.

it was so different that i thought having a boyfriend/girlfriend is just a matter of looking for a spouse afterwards along the relationship. wrong! as you age, you learn. it's apparently not really what i believed in. the idea of being valued by someone, having being cared tenderly by someone and do the whole thing of you-and-me-together is what every curious boy/girl wanting to have. or experience at least. it's fun though accordingly, kills some boredom. and don't be too serious at a relationship. if you don't want to end it too soon.

happenings are so unpredictable. but "end" is a sure thing. i believe in consequence in whatever we do. as much i had observe people around me getting happy(for some short time), getting hurt, getting lost. this may not applied to everyone but yes, i'm afraid it could happen to me, too.

they said "don't believe in what men says, believe in what they do". on some level, we tend to adore a person, some we develop feelings. but we certainly don't want to hookup such as hangout, dating and whatnot. liking a person is normal for a normal human being. but acting upon it. DON'T. CASUAL is sexy, CARING is creepy(read it somewhere). but it sank-in because it resonates what's actually happening around us.

i do respect people who give it a try and went on a relationship. it's bravery. knowing that love out of uncertainty will only lead to nothing but breakage and waste of time.

but again, as a normal human being, there's nothing wrong in being afraid. we're all human. most of us want to have that perfect moment at a perfect time. it's always about choice. and i choose not to abuse my heart. because at the end, this heart doesn't really belong to us.

we appreciate love and affection in so many ways, but most of it is worldly. my Father once told me, don't waste time loving at things that doesn't really matter. because once your heart stops beating, it stops beating. that's it. and there's nothing you can do about it.

and as i write this blog. the fear was totally my definition on having a relationship before marriage.
fear in so many aspects. to parents, to Allah, to losing self, to breaking something that doesn't really belong to us. and that is the heart.

and all this thoughts, equals my brain-working, equals my tummy starving. i enjoy sharing this thoughts anyway. wish i could have this more often. it unleashes thoughts out of pressure. it releases tension of what you fight for. let's spread love in a halal way. to parents. to family. to friends. religion.

yours,
JS

p.s.  (disclaimer)all images above are property of its respective owners.