bliss

the way you make your mind work is everything.

you ever had an argument with people and disagreed so much you troubled yourself to the point you promised not to deal with them again?

well, i had those. then i realized, it’s occasional and it might be very arrogant of me if i kept the emotional feelings i had during those times. i am very straight forward. i don’t get pulled in dramas. it’s where people thought they’re holding up on their pride where in fact it is the darkness profess as one’s credibility. 

NO.

it is one’s ego. ego loves conflict. but no, maybe their doing the right thing. ok, but wouldn’t it be better if you’re practicing kindness rather than being right?

this is why i write. i am 100% sure i get so much in writing than telling people my problem :)

because the world feels right again when you keep your heart clean and pure.

your soul deserve peace.

J

10:00PM

hey soulmate, 

you are not here, but you are.

i connect with you, even from a far.

our talks were out of these world,

you reflect on every bet of my word.

can’t cut lose, i’m trying to focus.

the comfort in every conversation

is now a lifetime discomfort

how heavy it is to carry on

pressured to live as time goes on

a roommate, a close friend, a mentor,

those who i’ve seen with a sense of humor

that someone with all the sarcastic comments

is now part of my intellectual habits

i’m not a poet

but that is not the point

just taking a moment

in being in the present

because i know

that in my silent moment

i am grateful for the past

i hold it like a glass

…unbroken

and hey, i love who i am.

i share it with whom i love.

the past may be a distraction

accepting the present's imperfection

an only way i can guarantee

bringing it to today is my cup of tea.

-

again, i am not a poet. i have written many of these. but never published, nor re-read. one thing i know for sure, a soulmate is a connection, a mutual understanding, a trust, a comfort, and a compatibility.

it's 10:00pm. goodnight soulmate. <3 

apple and coffee

have you tried eating this combo? 

ok, so let me make this post a WISHful thoughts for everyone. 

I WISH EVERYONE WILL HAVE UNDERSTANDING ON THE THINGS THEY CAN’T.

past is past. i may wrong people and definitely wronged me, huge. i make mistakes but that doesn’t mean i will stay in that mess. so as them. it’s all about understanding. see, if i hear people telling me i am this and that because i did this and that… well, smart people know that this is only based on their own perspective in life and their own experience. 

let’s look at it this way, why do you think a guy went inside a book store? to buy a book, look for a book but may not buy it. just walking around feeling the books around. you didn’t think of that guy stealing a book, right? impossible. BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT! also, you think of the good.

see, you are a positive thinker! GOOD FOR YOU! just like i never believe in same gender relationship because it never occur to me or to my mind.

try apple and coffee together. i insist. 😂

sometimes, my brain works like this. assorted! and it’s okay. we are all human. and i always need my laptop to take all that’s overflowing.

want another mix to this? our road is on construction. bad for the business. very noisy, muddy, few customers because of the road blocks. but think about the outcome after the road is fixed? i am thinking of it. same goes when a woman is pregnant and has to carry a baby inside her body for 9 months long. but the outcome is super rewarding. sure it will take longer than expected. but these are the things that are out of our control. you can’t disagree. 

also, this is a 3-day writing in count. 

thank you for the patience.

the sunlight on my face while writing this this morning is good, too. 

J

January 3, 2023 - New Year, Manila

in frustration to go home. a sarcastic friend of mine said who is taking flights on new year's? well, us! and we’re stuck in manila.

 

here i am. wanting to complain everything since we got here in manila. but having to think of kuala lumpur trip before all this mess makes everything perfect. 

instead of thinking of our misfortune. let me remind myself of all the good things happen to us. because complains won’t solve it. we did everything we could. but we can’t go against nature. 

day one in kuala lumpur, alhamdulillah. i am back again. but with company. my friend and my little sister. 

everything started at the plane take off. that feeling when i know i’ll be in kl at any moment. those people in the aircraft, knowing that they will be walking with us through arrival hall way. i couldn’t contain my feeling. it’s all warm and feeling myself again. not saying i don’t like being in my country. i am saying that traveling is more than home for me. especially meeting old friends. 

there is something in traveling/flights that puts me in another level of good wholesome being. only God knows. and i thank Him for letting me feel it again. it’s all in Him. 

so we arrived at our destination, a residential unit - awesome accommodations. 18th floor. perfect place for sunrise/sunset sightings. good for us, they got the sunrise. mmmm, my favourite.   

five days in kuala lumpur without wasting any minute - haha. and resting is calculated as we needed to get to the next plan as itinerary. ok ok, i wouldn’t go to any details. because we had so much and to put it into writing is going to take a lot of time. i was telling my friend while we were running towards the train, that we did things we were doing in a year, fitting into five days only. that’s when i know i can’t write everything in one post. 

also, i am writing to remind myself of all the good. bad may occur as flight cancellation, passengers complaining, i even heard a black american guy telling other passengers that “manila is a mess" but what’s the worst thing that could happen? we have place to stay in here. it’s just that, it wasn’t the plan and i wouldn’t want to be in any other room but mine. XD you understand, right? ok.

thanks for reading. and i love kl, btw. <3

j

people are nice...

politics isn’t. 

if you want to talk to me about politics, who’s better and who’s not, you’ll probably get an 8-year-old kid's answer. yes, i’m not into politics, that includes talking about it, let alone getting involve in it. let’s be honest, politics to me, is a game of power, authority and most of all, fame. oh, look! i just talked about it, haha! very ironic, because you just can't avoid it. even if you’re the most secluded person you know, as long as you are a person and you have an ears and a mind, and you try to deal with life in whichever you are living, you are in it.

the thing is… when we don’t like something, we can only express it and then do nothing about it. but that’s not to say, you don’t care. when you don’t like a person, or the way that person talks, doesn’t that mean you have invested an observation that made you not liking how that person talk? yeah! same goes with politics and everything that’s going around you.
when i say, people are nice, i don’t refer to their character or behavior. i am referring to the nature of their being. a sad person wasn’t born a sad baby. it’s the environment system on how that baby grow made him/her a sad person. 

writing this with a very open and expanded mind. i am considering everyone i know and everything i had known and most of all, my experiences and other people’s experience that 
have preoccupied me. in this way, i am seeing life far different 10 years ago.
“understanding” is the key… people has to do it because they have to. you can tell them your “right way” of thinking but to them, it might not be convenient, attainable, or even doable. things must be done because sometimes, they have no other choice and it’s their only choice, to move forward and sometimes, to survive in such situation.

so remember, underneath he/she is probably a nice person, most folks are. just understand. and just like you and me, we’re just doing what we think is best for us.

thank you for reading. <3

live | time travel

while reading the book “the magic of thinking big” - currently in it. at its quarter - it occurs to me that sometimes i think, books are just amazing. and just like people, some books you’ll like, some don’t, some gives you the feeling of boredom and some motivates you and even gets you roll out of your bed. well, those are the times when i wasn’t reading at my reading place which is at our rooftop. 

going back to the book i am currently reading mentioned above, on chapter 2, i quote…

“I’m going to live until i die and i’m not going to get life and death confused. while i’m on this earth i’m going to live. why be only half alive? every minute a person spends worrying about dying is just one minute that fellow might as well have been dead.”

that is a man who has a plastic valve on his heart. yet, he smiles and set big plans in his future. 

i’m inspired. 

so i downloaded stuffs i need to learn and here i am writing about what i’m about to do. can you see the destruction there? yeah, ‘cause i’m too inspired not to write.

…there is something about writing that seem overwhelming to me.

i noticed this because i’ve been doing this for a long time. i over think. i gotta admit that. so to keep things to not overflow, i need to store it somewhere, not spill it because then, i overthink on wasting it, or was it? or should i sustain it with other good thoughts? yes, sometimes i just…

THINK ALL ABOUT THE GOOD because entertaining bad thoughts, will only lead to unfavourable thoughts then guess who suffers from it? your physical body. 

i finally got it out from my system.

now let’s talk about the good.

somewhere around 2015 i’ve read something about “the power of mind” not sure if that is the title of the book or was it a chapter title. at that time i had all the things required to fulfil the experiment. environment and people. 

yes, i experimented it. 

so, to my surprise, our mind is so powerful. you can time travel and relive the past, the energy the interest, but never to the extent that you get nostalgic because you were never there and can never get there. but i think, we can only attain the good times and good feelings because by time… we are actually leaving the bad behind and keep the good ones and that is its nature. 

happy time travelling.

J

changes | fated

it’s year 2022 and the word “positive” became frightening and all of a sudden you are either to survive and live or become severe and die. (May Allah protects us all, amen!)

the word “what’s new?” doesn’t even mean asking for personal progress anymore but rather “a virus” that keeps upgrading. what’s the new virus? oh it’s variant of the virus. yeah, whatever, i had enough of people talking about it, here and there... 

IT WON’T CHANGE THE SITUATION ANYWAY.

the stay home stay safe will drive people crazy, it doesn’t work on everyone. a person who loves going out will somehow be with the person who loves being home and now they have to get to know each other. you can be any of this particular kind of person and understand what i meant. 

THIS CHANGES THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT LIFE

see, if this situation doesn’t change a person’s perspective about life, then i don’t know what can change them. i myself had thought of it for so many times and tried to understand why… but sometimes there is just no answer. you just let it happen. and see what comes after it. because life keeps happening either i drink too much coffee or i don’t. 

when lockdown happened back in 2020, i didn’t had a back up plan. it was the downfall of all the things listed on my checklist life-goals living outside the country. it was a tough decision.

i had to go home.

…and restart!

❤️J

year 2021 | where have I been?

i’ve been to some trips, nature blending activities, muslim dawah’s conflicts and dramas over YouTube (just because it’s relevant and i can relate to it), jim browning, kitbooga, sadghuru, ask steve harvey clips, crime documentaries, ali abdaal channel, river monster episodes, one after another (just so i can get my endorphin going) gone my way out of malaysia, quarantined, and now home.   

today february 21, around 6am in the morning. freezing cold to what they call typhoon in my place, opened up notification on facebook i’ve been ignoring for many months, not because i don’t feel like it. It’s only because i have been reducing the use of it and i like the feeling of missing something then find it later like a treasure. 

to my surprise, i found a recent posts tagged by a facebook friend, a post i have never expected. her kind of company and understanding skills has surpassed an expression of just a “thank you”. well, i’ve learned to appreciate people. especially their kindness. any kindness. big or small. an act of small kindness may change people’s life. i’d call it, an effort of helping others without any cost. also, if she reads this(and i am hoping so), please know, that i have learn so much from you and i am happy that you became part of my interesting life-story. THANK YOU! writing this because i treasure you! 

fast forward to now, it’s january 2, 2022. sunday morning, on my kitchen table. lots of things had happened and will happen. i’ve got to save it for next ✨

peaceful ya’ll.

J

AUGUST 2020 | MUHARRAM

tomorrow is muharram, the start of the islamic calendar. taking this opportunity to write for a new beginning.

a start. a change. an another alhamdulillah.

if i wanna describe this year in one word, it should be “miracle”.

and so, going along with the meaning of how i describe this year for me, words are running in my mind like they can’t wait to be expressed. events in details are overwhelming they might escape. XD 

i would like to start with gratitude, a “THANK YOU” 😊with a smile on my face remembering this adorable kid yesterday in that small restaurant. i am inspired. not because i was just discovering the power of gratitude but to receive it from a very innocent beautiful being is just pleasing.

to start with this blog, i had tons and tons of drafts starting last year 2019, to write a post and keep up to date with my technotes. haha, i guess i am just a failure. the cycle i went through, i started writing and then put it off, then started another paragraph with the new title and then delete them, then goes back to the previous topic and thought i shouldn’t have deleted the previous one until big events happened. 2019 i started my job as technical representative in a global service desk company in this country. meaning, i am far from my family and i don’t have much family responsibility and so i can keep up with my hobbies, for example sketching, writing and traveling & spots. none of it happened instead i have discovered so many things about me about people about life and of course about how Allah’s plan is always the perfect plan. 

the aftermath of the eventful and intense 2019 to 2020 for me is that (a) no matter how much i wanted to tell mom and dad that i can take care of myself, they will still doubt it and (b) coronavirus has changed my life’s perspective. life is short. family is gold. jobs are temporary. health is wealth. save for yourself. give and give, money, care, kindness, prayer.

as a decision maker for my own life, i have decided to go home and leave this job for good and hopefully i can serve my parents as i have served myself for almost 10 years and counting. a blessing that not everyone could get and i am ready to give something back for them. my time and service. i hope i won’t mess up this time around. making me miss home wasn’t easy. i never missed home i never wanted to go home. i love living outside. hanging out with my friends, knowing people, inspiring people, be inspired, learning stuffs, getting a new language, having a new sports, improving social communication skills until The One who has made everything possible has put it to an end. THANK YOU for the experience. keeping all the good and remember the lessons from the bad.

i am excited to continue this life that has been given to me, keeping in touch with the people i have met outside. i am just blessed, thinking all this was just once was a wish when i was just a poor kid and now it was all getting manifested eventually. can i say subhanallah big time for that! YES! because every time i look back, none of these people, things, experience, skills i have had right now occupied my wish lists back then, except having a laptop. i was a kid i didn’t even know i’ll have it because our parents never inspired us to buy stuffs only because they focus on paying our school tuition fees. but one thing i am sure why this has been a blessing, it is because i was praying a lot, doing my homework as a student. no gadgets available. joined all by my siblings because we are not allowed to play around most of the time. tv watching is limited. playing nintendo is limited. seeing our cousins or hanging out with them is limited. sleeping is limited. We are in an army households and didn’t know our parents are just preparing us towards the crucial world. 

and so, at this very moment, i am glorifying every little things that had happened here and there(previously and present) and all the people i have meet. this is because i am thankful that i still got a chance to be with my family and give service to people with the remaining life i have. 

i am still breathing…

this my friend, if you are reading… i really meant to say that if your plan is accordance with Allah’s plan for you, then you will accomplish it but when it’s not, know that His plan is much much better than yours and in what’s happening in the world right now? nothing is certain except changes and death. my long term plan has always been changing and so does my short term depending on the situation.

i’ll be back and read this in case i will need those words in the future.

writing this blog for August. :) if ever i haven’t mentioned before that every things i have or own i.e. phone, tablet etc, i call them names. 

2020 is a year of appreciating everything we have. and that includes you, being able to read thi again. 

much <3,

js

IBF | International Badminton Family

back in december 2017 in UIN Malang along with my final undergraduate thesis, i wanted to do something.

a sports.

tried taekwondo. had a couple of friends joined in and didn't last because of distance and time. also, the sport was too cool for us.

side note: too many rules and we're only after doing-something. we had fun but there's more to it. life long dedication, which doesn't apply to our purpose of joining the club in the first place.

so we left.

looking for more dynamic activity because staying active helps promote and increase health and wellness throughout all stages of life. then nuree - a thai close friend came up with badminton.

just... the... two... of... us.

playing it like little kids but this one is with purpose so we get ourselves active and we sweat and then we're done. playing at the 3rd floor of our dormitory building can be crucial as it is abusing the use of the hall. *we had been warned and we kept ignoring it.

day after day after all univ requirement has been complied, i would ask nuree to play again, just so staying-active is kept. it's fun and you don't need a goddamn rules until sometimes in January 2018.

...and a real badminton story begun.

a group of male player(not athletes) consists of cambodian, malaysian, thailand and chinese, introduces us using the badminton net. and boy what a surprise, to play with them is to play the rules of badminton.

WREALLY????? ok cool but, WHY???

there is no why, the 'why' happens only in my brain, because i never literally questioned them.
staying active right? let's stick to it and not on, learning badminton rules.

day one had passed by. YEY! let's do it again tomorrow.

and they're lazy.
and i can't play without net this time around.

and it's not okay that i have to contact someone to inform them that i am in need of badminton net because i am desperate to get active. promoting healthy lifestyle, right??

right.

not being the mainstream sport in my country(philippines). badminton is apparently one of the big cheese in the name of sports activities in indonesia. and there's more... not to my knowledge, just had the best and the right people - to have - for me to get the best out of badminton. rulings in a very fun and awkward way.

yes it's awkward.

for me: not knowing these people personally and tried my best to cope up with their playing mechanics, and i only have energy to bring to the court and zero of the game intelligence itself.

for them: to break it to my face because i am doing it everything in wrong way.

conclusion, i know nothing about badminton but the persistence side of me wanting to stay active, had escalated to, wanting to learn this sport.

and again, the right people had me learnt it by heart. the main reason i am writing this blog. identifying the following people with my own short description of their roles, based only on my point of view. had to give them credit and the lists are as follows.

moksin - the coach, later became the group leader

kovy - the side kick and acrobatic split-er

gony - the most punctual and one-on-one challenger to keep the female members improving. or atleast that's what everyone get from him.

jumat - his chinese name is ma jia hui, who never leaves the court. very dedicated and never accept loses.

halim - the net killer. the most silent. very sociable to other players. of course pun intended.

hasan - the yellow shoes, which later on got stolen, because who doesn't believe in evil eye? too bad, lost-shoe-tracker haven't invented yet.

ridwan - da wan. very comfortable in bear foot playing. i saw him once with a girls sport shoes. and he is not ashame of it. in pink color.

bahrruddin - the flying mosquito. left the university because no one wants a mosquito. i mean, he has to leave and that is leaving the us, too. left some of the female players' heart broken.

mah chi wei - if there is karate version of badminton, he has the best demonstration of it. keep it up mah chi wei.

khalid - the expired member of the group because of personal conflicts with other member. his good intention led to termination. i still commend his badminton skills. i have learned some from him and aina(my younger sister) thinks he has cool badminton shoes.

rustan - suad's husband, very skillful in playing.

suad - rustan's wife, very careful in playing.

zianab - the baby of the group. unior(university's sports club) member. IBF's spy.

sumairee - the AYOO and AYU. the chef and the chief. salute!

aina - the one and only, doctorate member. all time champion, undefeated and undisputed. the defender. the speaker.

nuree - the ghost member.

ilsia - not a member.

laily - the active and inactive member. the captain marvel of IBF.

aziza - the selfie member.

nazira, salima, nariman - whatsapp 'badminton attendance' group with special daily invitaion. VIP's

special participation: safini, raha, aziza's sister,  amerkhan, bahar, pak didik, syukri, jehad, and some arab fellas i don't remember their names.

late joiners : shielah, aisha, elsa, nissa, abu ubaida,

and last but not least,

pak mualif - our distinguished shuttlecock sponsor.

and so much more.

if it wasn't because of these people mentioned above, there will be no IBF. there will be no restriction on using badminton stand in our own SC(Sport Center). there will be no negotiations and issues accumulated against univresity's student's affairs, thus, Sports Center usage lead to scheduling.

yes, they scheduled us. chained and lock the badminton stand for a limit use.

but nothing had stopped us. we would be in dismay, in discomfort to the extend we would overstate it as a drug addiction without cure. we need the dose. mostly, them not me.
i'm okay, i'm always good, yeah.

so to firmly stand with our privileged as the university's student. we kept going, fought for our right and we sought solid in friendship.

S O L I D !

every single day we would find an issue that could avert badminton to happen.

certain circumstances such as, rain, no available place to play, no shuttlecocks, not enough players, no vehicles if court is reserved in distant places, no badminton apparel, shoes on laundry, really?, injured body parts due to extreme playing, which the only cure is to play it double extreme the next day.

there's just no hope for this reasons to keep coming... we would always find a resolution to every single case. and here's how we dealt on some cases. and just by writing this, it brings back all the memories. (maroon 5)

rain? there's always umbrella.
no available place to play? tidar is always the resort.
laziness? nobody recognizes this word. everybody! out of the cave!
no shuttlecocks? buy one.
no vehicle? grabbike.
no players? pak didik.
injured body parts due to extreme playing? showing up the next day and double the extreme. the only remedy.
no apparel: borrow from others. but that is disgusting. i hope no one did it back then.

IBF memories and every single thing that correlates to it hunts me 'til to this day. they're all for keeps, good and bad. there was no regret in every single event that had happen. so if ever you are an IBF or your name has mentioned above... you are part of my 2018 people.

as IBF was gradually went on stages before it became a solid social group. i can't stress it enough how excited and overwhelmed i was when it actually resulted to some kind of real bond and at some point changes the way other members have looked upon life. nothing is impossible. if you believe at achieving something... start small, and keep going. never stop and you'll get there. IBF got into stages, day by day, situations after situations. and as i give a short illustration on how it has happened, please know that this was only the side of my story.

first stage: common interest. people want activity in their free times- other than classes - so as i brought together females who are interested to play. we would have an information if male group are playing so we could tag along. because we're poor we don't have badminton net.

second stage: badminton became the new fun. whatsapp group has been created due to information demand for time and place availability of badminton net and courts.

third stage: mini-tournaments are conducted and new badminton shoes and rackets are the new trends. and i'm not an exemption. i mean, it's what everybody is into, hello.

fourth stage: the final transformation. every single one is hooked. either they like it or not. it's because it's a must. one missed day, the next day is double wild. members would play twice a day. sometimes i'd advice them not to do it too much, but who am i? - oh their smashing target- and they're happy to do that. they laugh first and then they would apologize. i'm hurt already, what's the point of sorry?

but here are things that i've learned from receiving hits right on my face and why it is okay to forgive but never forgets?

- he is just happy to score: jumat's double hit. the very first shameful hit i had recieved in my left and right forehead. he must be thinking he needs to balance it.

- there was a motive plot frame-up between my team mate (hasan) and the opponent(moksin teamed up with halim): combination of the slow pass and hit in my face(right cheek) and was recorded by hasan, and that's when i know he was the mastermind. passed slowly on moksin and he might be giving him some wink and there you go, mission accomplished. next thing i know, a GIF was sent to whatsapp group. yay!!

- she's on perfume: the effective trick. her perfume that day was stunning. sumairee did her remark. and it was the very last day of my badminton bonding with IBF.

sigh...

as i am writing this on my notes, i had a sudden thought as i paused...

i've learn a lot from everything and anything in this badminton group family. the catch is, it wasn't just knowing the sport or learning the skills. the personal growth that it taught me along with it, self-descipline, perserverance, dedication, compassion, leadership, understanding, believing in one's self, decisiveness, being patient and most of all, unity. one sure thing i wish that would've happened right before i left IBF, i wish i knew them at the very first day of my stay in indonesia...

as i finally end my thoughts on IBF accumulation, looking back on the few random pictures that are captured back in those days, will forever be a treasure.

tidar : emoji war

tidar : the game of who'll touch the door first

sport center : mini-tournament event, losers. haha

sport center : mini-tournament event winners

UIN campus : share your blessings. feeding event. IBF extra activity.

tidar: aina and pak didik in-action poses.

tidar: never happened in history, only in IBF.  playing without electricity.

sport center : if there's a will, there's a way. i came back after a prank

pantai tamban : the long road. very long road.

sport center : 1st mini-tournament event group picture

sport center : 2nd mini-tournament event group picture.

tidar : the modelling 

unknown place for me but it looks like wakanda forever 

sport center : one of those days

kuburan : highlights

batos : the early birds catches bookings

the unpaid IBF shirt model

tidar : the quick warm ups

sport center : 2nd mini-tournament

rectorat : pak mualif as our shuttlecocks' sponsor

coklat klasik : the crew guy

pantai tamban : coconut is my favorite

batu campus : the serve for cakes

UIN campus : final meeting

maxx corner : play hard or go home.

UIN campus : the last gathering.

tidar : one of those afternoons

sport center : the fake audience ^^

bonus images

special effects credits to aina's special talent

IBF official logo is designed by me. for inquiries, please contact moksin ^^

<and another image...>

<and another...>

p.s. i might update this blog for more details because memories keeps flashing and memories bring back memories yow! ☺

*********

UPDATE! 

October 06, 2020 tuesday, i have decided to put an end to some of the remaining connection this group has. our IBF WHATSAPP GROUP.

i have conducted a survey prior to deleting it.

to my surprise, group members aren't so much of deleting it. but to me, it's about time. because “Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well.”

― Jack Kornfield. and this will all be well. as of the result, 

and for the final closure. here is a short clip i've made, for ibf to remember.