coffee talk | one morning

5:16 am. where most of the population of this city were asleep. i have no way of finding out of those who aren't sleeping, what are they've up to. getting ready to work or school. if it wasn't for something, they'll be part of those who are sleeping.

few years back. i struggle at getting up early. that i hated myself even. it affects me. inside me is a court battle. arguing and fighting either i should be punishing myself or i should take it easy and try again tomorrow. it goes on and on and on. day by day, i see myself doing the same thing as i did yesterday.

but not today. today, i am awake. today, is a day i say, nobody woke me up. no alarm clock. no nothing. no more struggle and regret. there's only pancake and coffee. beside me. along with me. giving me warm and activity to look up to every single morning. everybody needs a company.

the taste of every morning isn't the same for me. it is for me a blessing. and if i will have to describe it in one word. it will be "beginning".

coffee talk | talking tech and mathematics skill

we thought a lot. and one of the main content is probably our future. which is actually the result of what are we been doing at the present.

i'm studying information technology eventually. hard? yes.

weird because it wasn't really on the plan. and i thought a lot about it. me being on the tech world. tech world. sounds big.

i'm not good at math. period. and it's really hard to accept this fact. i'm crying now.

when i was in elementary through high school, i thought i was doing the right thing. studying ONLY. like no friends, no bonding time with the close-relatives. no social life. "isolation" if that's what do you want to call it. ok, so it was just on getting at the top list. which is i probably maintain at those zombie days.

i always wanted to impress my mom at all aspect of my day-to-day activities. like everything. good thing i was doing it well. obedient child. ha-ha! kids! and part of me being obedient is a math wiz. nahh, it's just math. 1+1. getting familiar with 10s 100s 1000s and so on. YES! i'm good at it. very very good. but not now. i'll tell you later in this blog.

...or now. i'm not gonna lie about what happen back then. "honesty is the best policy" i did my high school at only 3 years long. which is normally in a standard government educational law, it is actually 4 years duration. oh my... accelerated? nope! it wasn't really clear to me back then, but it was all my mom's plan. i skipped my junior high school. four years in count. 1st year, freshmen. 2nd year, sophomore. 3rd year, junior. and 4th year, senior. i didn't do my junior high school. applause. not a good idea when i realize i have missed everything. that everything is a sum up of all mathematics particularly final year in high school.

i struggle. mom doesn't know.

moving on... i went to college. COMPUTER SCIENCE. wow! in a not-so-prestigious-college-incorporate. so there's like, 10 - 20 students taking the same courses with me. there's not that much student at the whole department that i can still remember all their faces and probably names till now. it was 2007 when i finish my first half on my degree and now it's 2015. ok, so now i'm genius ^_^

i graduated my 3 years of highschool at 2004. associate degree at 2007. associate in health science education (yes i went to med school) at 2009. worked at telecommunication office a year long.

there's so many things happened that math had gotten mad at me and eventually went away, i guess. i'm sorry math. i really didn't mean it.

now that i'm back at field. COMPUTERS. i need math to go back at my side. like real bad. i was thinking that if i get back my math skills, i wouldn't worry about my statistics subjects.

i mean programming. codes. codes. codes. i think i'll die with it.

so i murmur a lot already. it's time for me to review. my math. or not. because their advice is "you don't need math to be a programmer". oooh yes, like you are, professor X, Math PhD holder.

programming is engaging with technology. and it is as if technology gives life to what we call generation now. there's no turning back.

i've got to do my tutorial. and i will one day. post an application by my own creation.

comin' up!

coffee talk | Changes.

i don’t like writing anymore. i want to record a video and post it. post it. post it. nah! that can’t be.

for some very reasonable reason. It can’t be.

first of all, my purpose in starting this blog is nothing but to share what are my thoughts about. sometimes. because blogging isn’t something easy. because, not everyone is doing it. YES! not everyone is able to do it. well, in my own very humble opinion, maybe i just had this gut. to write. whatever the outcome is. i’m not someone who is grammatically skillful. i even sometimes look up for the right spelling and the right word. yeah. i wanna express it. and it feels good. i feel good. ^_^

talking about my recent activity why i wasn’t that updating my blog. in short. where have i been?!

yeeeey!! the yeey-thing, i call it a “break”. break-freeeee. no, that’s not what i meant. i mean, break. from my busy-ness. and this whole thing inspires me to write this whole blog thing for this topic. i know this sounds so informal, like i’m literary speaking loudly as i type these words. ha!ha!. <-not this one.

i don’t know in some sort of any way, things just change, and because it is something inevitable, and so we sometimes adjust and be ok with it. go with the flow. and rock’n roll. word. Alhamdulillah.

here are some of the list things that I have realize there’s been a changes peps:

• being a freshmen. now a senior. o snap! time passes by, about to graduate from being an i.t. student. about to survive!
• being out-of-place-feeling. now a self-determined. i was always regarded and sometimes called by my country. "hey filipina!”. but behind that is the fact that some of them doesn't really know how to pronounce my name correctly. some of them even says, “hey, how do u compare singapore from this country?”. It always happens. The??! Singapore? Hmm, might want to think about it.
• a novel book fanatic reader(I’ve read few). now i don’t believe in fiction book anymore. period. it started when I found 50-shades-of-grey a violent one. i didn’t even finish it. it disturbed me, i deleted it. it was pdf. one right-click and be gone. just like that.
• i’m a loner. now a brainer. - naw kidding! – now a force to socialize. ha.ha. I don’t like it sometimes. but, in my situation, you just don’t be quiet and let other people decide for you. i’m an-independent-standalone-living-a-life-of-a- human being, so to speak. and by that i missed my parents, whom i used to depend everything on.
• old perceptions into new perceptions. deep. HAHA! but this? Really had changed. hard.
• islamic views. regardless, this is one of the very profound one. and i am so thankful that i started to connect the dots of the things that bothers me before. the light is opening. and inshAllah, it will continue opening. the door might be closed sometimes, but it is with purpose. and it is to understand why is that door closed? the purpose.
• additional lists down here will be continuously updating. changes. :))

if your environment changes you for whatever it may be. good or bad. It has a purpose. you might sometimes realize it. or not at all. 

I’m writing this blog in the name of realization. things will keep changing. and we should have the ability to be patient in order to adjust to the new situation. it’s that word patient that will bring us THERE,

that's it folks. be patient. at all time. atleast, try to.