things i'll never forget

over the past few years, things kept changing, at least to me. occupations, places, people, principles, opinion etc. but things with the memory i had with people and places aren’t changeable. one of the reason i write about this is that, these things just won’t fade away… and sometimes it’s overwhelming. i am confused with the thought of - should i be sad that i had experienced something a person could wish for and then one moment you’re in your own head just so you can think about it over and over again because you aren’t in those moment anymore?

starring at my wallet i bought in malaysia for 300 ringgits reminds me that i was somehow an idiot. i could get lesser price than that but i was at that moment a splurge? new word, an act of spending money freely or extravagantly. (btw i am trying to use easy words as much as i can, i don’t have audience, haha)

well, it lasted 4 years without any damages. it is as good as new. not to brag about it but those wrong decisions we thought we’ve done? those aren’t really wrong. it meant to happen. the food you ordered and didn’t liked the taste back then? it’s suppose to happen. the new shirt you fell off(not mine) in the middle of the highway on a paper bag? - should never forget that. the time you spend with people you never liked? be thankful for it. the nice things you thought about people but turned out you were wrong, and vice versa? sighed.

now that i am not in those operating life i had. i am trying to impress myself by thinking “wows had happened to me”, rather than, i wish i could go back. i could lists an endless things that i’ll never forget from my past years but these ones are outstanding…

• my sister and i, flew to indonesia as a scholarship grant.
• learning bahasa indonesia with our first indonesian family in the university.
• having a russian roommate for nearly 5 years living together.
• additional madagascar next door dorm mate.
• got to know a somali girl and her traditions
• deep conversations with a chinese girl
• gym, fitness
• learnt how to ride motorcycle
• jogjakarta
• kicked for a while in taekwondo
• learnt badminton (and still learning)
• penanggungan adventure
• university campus
• university professors who inspires me to keep going
• malaysia and all of it (job, stuff, ERL, people, travel, lunch tribe)
• nuree

it went too fast. it’s just too fast.

for that, alhamdulillah and the next life ahead!

J

AUGUST 2020 | MUHARRAM

tomorrow is muharram, the start of the islamic calendar. taking this opportunity to write for a new beginning.

a start. a change. an another alhamdulillah.

if i wanna describe this year in one word, it should be “miracle”.

and so, going along with the meaning of how i describe this year for me, words are running in my mind like they can’t wait to be expressed. events in details are overwhelming they might escape. XD 

i would like to start with gratitude, a “THANK YOU” 😊with a smile on my face remembering this adorable kid yesterday in that small restaurant. i am inspired. not because i was just discovering the power of gratitude but to receive it from a very innocent beautiful being is just pleasing.

to start with this blog, i had tons and tons of drafts starting last year 2019, to write a post and keep up to date with my technotes. haha, i guess i am just a failure. the cycle i went through, i started writing and then put it off, then started another paragraph with the new title and then delete them, then goes back to the previous topic and thought i shouldn’t have deleted the previous one until big events happened. 2019 i started my job as technical representative in a global service desk company in this country. meaning, i am far from my family and i don’t have much family responsibility and so i can keep up with my hobbies, for example sketching, writing and traveling & spots. none of it happened instead i have discovered so many things about me about people about life and of course about how Allah’s plan is always the perfect plan. 

the aftermath of the eventful and intense 2019 to 2020 for me is that (a) no matter how much i wanted to tell mom and dad that i can take care of myself, they will still doubt it and (b) coronavirus has changed my life’s perspective. life is short. family is gold. jobs are temporary. health is wealth. save for yourself. give and give, money, care, kindness, prayer.

as a decision maker for my own life, i have decided to go home and leave this job for good and hopefully i can serve my parents as i have served myself for almost 10 years and counting. a blessing that not everyone could get and i am ready to give something back for them. my time and service. i hope i won’t mess up this time around. making me miss home wasn’t easy. i never missed home i never wanted to go home. i love living outside. hanging out with my friends, knowing people, inspiring people, be inspired, learning stuffs, getting a new language, having a new sports, improving social communication skills until The One who has made everything possible has put it to an end. THANK YOU for the experience. keeping all the good and remember the lessons from the bad.

i am excited to continue this life that has been given to me, keeping in touch with the people i have met outside. i am just blessed, thinking all this was just once was a wish when i was just a poor kid and now it was all getting manifested eventually. can i say subhanallah big time for that! YES! because every time i look back, none of these people, things, experience, skills i have had right now occupied my wish lists back then, except having a laptop. i was a kid i didn’t even know i’ll have it because our parents never inspired us to buy stuffs only because they focus on paying our school tuition fees. but one thing i am sure why this has been a blessing, it is because i was praying a lot, doing my homework as a student. no gadgets available. joined all by my siblings because we are not allowed to play around most of the time. tv watching is limited. playing nintendo is limited. seeing our cousins or hanging out with them is limited. sleeping is limited. We are in an army households and didn’t know our parents are just preparing us towards the crucial world. 

and so, at this very moment, i am glorifying every little things that had happened here and there(previously and present) and all the people i have meet. this is because i am thankful that i still got a chance to be with my family and give service to people with the remaining life i have. 

i am still breathing…

this my friend, if you are reading… i really meant to say that if your plan is accordance with Allah’s plan for you, then you will accomplish it but when it’s not, know that His plan is much much better than yours and in what’s happening in the world right now? nothing is certain except changes and death. my long term plan has always been changing and so does my short term depending on the situation.

i’ll be back and read this in case i will need those words in the future.

writing this blog for August. :) if ever i haven’t mentioned before that every things i have or own i.e. phone, tablet etc, i call them names. 

2020 is a year of appreciating everything we have. and that includes you, being able to read thi again. 

much <3,

js

coffee talk | Do things that matter

how can we make sure that things that we do or want to do really matter?

i am not sure if this is a question or a reminder to me. but all i know is i've got to the point where i am asking myself - is this really matter? am i happy doing it. but does it really counts? is this really going to make me what i want in life? a good hobby doesn't destroy you. but it takes my time passes by. should i stop entertaining sometimes myself and only focus on doing what i should do? or should i do both if i'm able to?

i had thought of this things over and over again. which i have actually wrote a short thoughts about it before in this blog - entitle "thinking is harmful" - you can check it out. it's really really short and thought it could help. or not. no violence.

blogging is the only way i can soothe myself from stressing on what to do during free time. maybe you too. why would i know. ^_^ but if you are reading this blog then probably you have wasted some of your time and energy at things that doesn't matter and you try to redeem it. no we can't. though we can change our future habit by changing our behavior and disciple ourselves if we want to. "WILL IS ALL IT TAKES".

yours,
JS