title is inspired by the paramore song. i assume only few had heard about it. if you’ve heard about it, you’re cool. if you haven’t, then you don’t have to. this isn’t the time for wasteful stuffs. but their very latest album is out by the way. just so you know.
i caught myself. again. having an urge to write. to say something about this. what is this? this writing. well, i caught myself on an intense pressure. very intense i can’t get my head straight. so i need to do something about it. and this is what i have to do. write.
after napping for a couple of minutes. got up and continue this.
no. stop right there. after a couple of days, literally, continuing to write this. see, this generation right now screws everything up (i have to blame the contemporary life so i can feel a little bit better). i watched youtube. there you go. confession. x games. i missed the last year’s so i am coping up. it was saturday so it wasn’t really that a threat to my guilt of - why i wasn’t working on my thesis and instead wasting my time on youtube x games. and this, blog. WASTED! and this morning i spent time hanging out cycling. learning on brakes. meeting mr. sun’s first rise. YEAH! goal!!!
going back to what is this intense pressure. (finally, i am going to talk something useful, yeay!) catching yourself doing something completely unrelated to what you suppose to do. like to me, people have been asking “what are you doing, jo? why can’t you finish your thesis?” no, they didn’t really asked that. what actually upsets me, is that, they didn’t even bother to ask that. they’re asking me like, “when are you going to graduate?” or somewhatlike, “are your parents coming over for your graduation?” oh man! i haven’t finish the book i am into right now, let me finish it and we’ll talk later. my head is screaming!
coffee.
the truth is. i can’t force it people. i am just doing what i am able to do. and when i say caught myself. it means. my anxiety of not getting THERE! that there screws my heads up until is start feeling a headache. and a gallon of water won’t help. so why am i writing this? simple. it is my catharsis. it is my only relief. i am not good at talking my emotion with someone. i can give an advice. but i prefer to bury that emotional explosive someone else doesn’t deserve to listen to. so, i needed to come up with substitute.
writing.
not legitimate writings but at least do something. do something about it. that “intense pressure”. and you’ll find yourself coming out from it. not ignoring it, but the avoidance of emotional break down. easier said than done. but it works on me. all the time.
peace.
