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Thursday, March 9, 2023
SLOW AND SIMPLE
Monday, February 13, 2023
KINDNESS OR PEOPLE PLEASING
i’m not nice. people who i lived with, knew i’m not. but if i have to help, i will. I’m not sure either if i am kind but i never act kind. specially, if people are looking or around. i would want them to think i am not nice, then surprise them with a sincere help… and i will, not just an offer. i will. if they refused to, they must be taking life seriously. Hey! we’re all human, loosen up!
…and that’s a self-reminder first.
you will find what you seek, so a post by haileypaigemagee on instagram explained really well what’s the difference between kindness and people pleasing.
she elaborated the following...
PEOPLE PLEASING is rooted from,
1. transactionality - i’ll give you this so that you give me something back.
2. obligation - i’m giving you this so that i can’t feel guilty.
3. compulsion - i’m giving you this because i have no idea how not to give you this.
4. loss aversion - i’m giving you this so i don’t lose you.
KINDNESS is rooted from,
1. desire - i really want to give this to you.
2. goodwill - i’m eager to increase that quality of your life because i care about you.
3. choice - i don’t have to do this. i want to do this.
if you are my reader and you are benefited from this post. keep it to yourself and choose kindness. don’t be a people pleasing.
you can help other understand by sharing this post.
well, you don’t have to. one person to read this post is all that matter.
J
Friday, February 10, 2023
apple and coffee
Monday, January 2, 2023
January 3, 2023 - New Year, Manila
Sunday, November 20, 2022
small talk
anyways, going back to having a small talk. i am having a big thought about it but incase this blog isn’t enough. wait for the next. thank you for reading. may this be beneficial to you or if not, then get a good sleep. it will give you super power.
Thanks, J
Thursday, November 3, 2022
people are nice...
if you want to talk to me about politics, who’s better and who’s not, you’ll probably get an 8-year-old kid's answer. yes, i’m not into politics, that includes talking about it, let alone getting involve in it. let’s be honest, politics to me, is a game of power, authority and most of all, fame. oh, look! i just talked about it, haha! very ironic, because you just can't avoid it. even if you’re the most secluded person you know, as long as you are a person and you have an ears and a mind, and you try to deal with life in whichever you are living, you are in it.
the thing is… when we don’t like something, we can only express it and then do nothing about it. but that’s not to say, you don’t care. when you don’t like a person, or the way that person talks, doesn’t that mean you have invested an observation that made you not liking how that person talk? yeah! same goes with politics and everything that’s going around you.
when i say, people are nice, i don’t refer to their character or behavior. i am referring to the nature of their being. a sad person wasn’t born a sad baby. it’s the environment system on how that baby grow made him/her a sad person.
writing this with a very open and expanded mind. i am considering everyone i know and everything i had known and most of all, my experiences and other people’s experience that
have preoccupied me. in this way, i am seeing life far different 10 years ago.
“understanding” is the key… people has to do it because they have to. you can tell them your “right way” of thinking but to them, it might not be convenient, attainable, or even doable. things must be done because sometimes, they have no other choice and it’s their only choice, to move forward and sometimes, to survive in such situation.
so remember, underneath he/she is probably a nice person, most folks are. just understand. and just like you and me, we’re just doing what we think is best for us.
thank you for reading. <3
Thursday, March 31, 2022
things i'll never forget
over the past few years, things kept changing, at least to me. occupations, places, people, principles, opinion etc. but things with the memory i had with people and places aren’t changeable. one of the reason i write about this is that, these things just won’t fade away… and sometimes it’s overwhelming. i am confused with the thought of - should i be sad that i had experienced something a person could wish for and then one moment you’re in own head just so you can think about it over and over again because you aren’t in those moment anymore?
starring at my wallet i bought in malaysia for 300 ringgits reminds me that i was somehow an idiot. i could get lesser price than that but i was at that moment a splurge? new word, an act of spending money freely or extravagantly. (btw i am trying to use easy words as much as i can, i don’t have audience, haha)
well, it lasted 4 years without any damages. it is as good as new. not to brag about it but those wrong decisions we thought we’ve done? those aren’t really wrong. it meant to happen. the food you ordered and didn’t liked the taste back then? it’s suppose to happen. the new shirt you fell off(not mine) in the middle of the highway on a paper bag? - should never forget that. the time you spend with people you never liked? be thankful for it. the nice things you thought about people but turned out you were wrong, and vice versa? sighed.
now that i am not in those operating life i had. i am trying to impress myself by thinking “wows had happened to me”, rather than, i wish i could go back. i could lists an endless things that i’ll never forget from my past years but these ones are outstanding…
- my sister and i, flew to indonesia as a scholarship grant.
- learning bahasa indonesia with our first indonesian family in the university.
- having a russian roommate for nearly 5 years living together.
- additional madagascar next door dorm mate.
- got to know a somali girl and her traditions
- deep conversations with a chinese girl
- gym, fitness
- learnt how to ride motorcycle
- jogjakarta
- kicked for a while in taekwondo
- learnt badminton (and still learning)
- penanggungan adventure
- university campus
- university professors who inspires you to keep going
- malaysia and all of it (job, stuff, ERL, people, travel, lunch tribe)
- nuree
it went too fast. it’s just too fast.
for that, alhamdulillah and the next life ahead!
J