small talk

...doesn’t work for me. that’s why i needed to write. because it’s not always enough. if people asked how my life is going… “i’m good” won’t suffice my answer. not keeping in touch with people i used to talk a lot before my life now, sometimes pisses me off. i want to tell them every details and i want to know theirs, too. luckily, there is this thing called “acceptance” of all these things of all these changes and understand that life doesn’t stay the same everyday. 

"everyday is not the same."

it may seem like it is. but if we make the best of our days, it will be different. this may never be the same situation to many… but if you feel like you’ve been the same person or you’ve been in the same place or you haven’t been different or being yourself. that is not true. you are where you are for a reason. you are who you are because you need to understand something. life is never fair. ironically, it is what makes all life fair. because without low, there is no high and without day there is no night. you get the point right? another example, if there is no poor, what’s the point of being rich. light, dark? so if you haven’t been everywhere, and you see all these people traveling all the time, wait for your turn. because if you can’t travel, it’s not because of your environment, and it is not because of you or your circumstances, it’s because it should not happen to you YET! trust the process! you can’t be impatient. don’t cry for it, too. well, you can... but you know there is always a better way to cry. SWEAT! 

anyways, going back to having a small talk. i am having a big thought about it but incase this blog isn’t enough. wait for the next. thank you for reading. may this be beneficial to you or if not, then get a good sleep. it will give you super power.

Thanks, J

people are nice...

politics isn’t. 

if you want to talk to me about politics, who’s better and who’s not, you’ll probably get an 8-year-old kid's answer. yes, i’m not into politics, that includes talking about it, let alone getting involve in it. let’s be honest, politics to me, is a game of power, authority and most of all, fame. oh, look! i just talked about it, haha! very ironic, because you just can't avoid it. even if you’re the most secluded person you know, as long as you are a person and you have an ears and a mind, and you try to deal with life in whichever you are living, you are in it.

the thing is… when we don’t like something, we can only express it and then do nothing about it. but that’s not to say, you don’t care. when you don’t like a person, or the way that person talks, doesn’t that mean you have invested an observation that made you not liking how that person talk? yeah! same goes with politics and everything that’s going around you.
when i say, people are nice, i don’t refer to their character or behavior. i am referring to the nature of their being. a sad person wasn’t born a sad baby. it’s the environment system on how that baby grow made him/her a sad person. 

writing this with a very open and expanded mind. i am considering everyone i know and everything i had known and most of all, my experiences and other people’s experience that 
have preoccupied me. in this way, i am seeing life far different 10 years ago.
“understanding” is the key… people has to do it because they have to. you can tell them your “right way” of thinking but to them, it might not be convenient, attainable, or even doable. things must be done because sometimes, they have no other choice and it’s their only choice, to move forward and sometimes, to survive in such situation.

so remember, underneath he/she is probably a nice person, most folks are. just understand. and just like you and me, we’re just doing what we think is best for us.

thank you for reading. <3

things i'll never forget

over the past few years, things kept changing, at least to me. occupations, places, people, principles, opinion etc. but things with the memory i had with people and places aren’t changeable. one of the reason i write about this is that, these things just won’t fade away… and sometimes it’s overwhelming. i am confused with the thought of - should i be sad that i had experienced something a person could wish for and then one moment you’re in your own head just so you can think about it over and over again because you aren’t in those moment anymore?

starring at my wallet i bought in malaysia for 300 ringgits reminds me that i was somehow an idiot. i could get lesser price than that but i was at that moment a splurge? new word, an act of spending money freely or extravagantly. (btw i am trying to use easy words as much as i can, i don’t have audience, haha)

well, it lasted 4 years without any damages. it is as good as new. not to brag about it but those wrong decisions we thought we’ve done? those aren’t really wrong. it meant to happen. the food you ordered and didn’t liked the taste back then? it’s suppose to happen. the new shirt you fell off(not mine) in the middle of the highway on a paper bag? - should never forget that. the time you spend with people you never liked? be thankful for it. the nice things you thought about people but turned out you were wrong, and vice versa? sighed.

now that i am not in those operating life i had. i am trying to impress myself by thinking “wows had happened to me”, rather than, i wish i could go back. i could lists an endless things that i’ll never forget from my past years but these ones are outstanding…

• my sister and i, flew to indonesia as a scholarship grant.
• learning bahasa indonesia with our first indonesian family in the university.
• having a russian roommate for nearly 5 years living together.
• additional madagascar next door dorm mate.
• got to know a somali girl and her traditions
• deep conversations with a chinese girl
• gym, fitness
• learnt how to ride motorcycle
• jogjakarta
• kicked for a while in taekwondo
• learnt badminton (and still learning)
• penanggungan adventure
• university campus
• university professors who inspires me to keep going
• malaysia and all of it (job, stuff, ERL, people, travel, lunch tribe)
• nuree

it went too fast. it’s just too fast.

for that, alhamdulillah and the next life ahead!

J

live | time travel

while reading the book “the magic of thinking big” - currently in it. at its quarter - it occurs to me that sometimes i think, books are just amazing. and just like people, some books you’ll like, some don’t, some gives you the feeling of boredom and some motivates you and even gets you roll out of your bed. well, those are the times when i wasn’t reading at my reading place which is at our rooftop. 

going back to the book i am currently reading mentioned above, on chapter 2, i quote…

“I’m going to live until i die and i’m not going to get life and death confused. while i’m on this earth i’m going to live. why be only half alive? every minute a person spends worrying about dying is just one minute that fellow might as well have been dead.”

that is a man who has a plastic valve on his heart. yet, he smiles and set big plans in his future. 

i’m inspired. 

so i downloaded stuffs i need to learn and here i am writing about what i’m about to do. can you see the destruction there? yeah, ‘cause i’m too inspired not to write.

…there is something about writing that seem overwhelming to me.

i noticed this because i’ve been doing this for a long time. i over think. i gotta admit that. so to keep things to not overflow, i need to store it somewhere, not spill it because then, i overthink on wasting it, or was it? or should i sustain it with other good thoughts? yes, sometimes i just…

THINK ALL ABOUT THE GOOD because entertaining bad thoughts, will only lead to unfavourable thoughts then guess who suffers from it? your physical body. 

i finally got it out from my system.

now let’s talk about the good.

somewhere around 2015 i’ve read something about “the power of mind” not sure if that is the title of the book or was it a chapter title. at that time i had all the things required to fulfil the experiment. environment and people. 

yes, i experimented it. 

so, to my surprise, our mind is so powerful. you can time travel and relive the past, the energy the interest, but never to the extent that you get nostalgic because you were never there and can never get there. but i think, we can only attain the good times and good feelings because by time… we are actually leaving the bad behind and keep the good ones and that is its nature. 

happy time travelling.

J

changes | fated

it’s year 2022 and the word “positive” became frightening and all of a sudden you are either to survive and live or become severe and die. (May Allah protects us all, amen!)

the word “what’s new?” doesn’t even mean asking for personal progress anymore but rather “a virus” that keeps upgrading. what’s the new virus? oh it’s variant of the virus. yeah, whatever, i had enough of people talking about it, here and there... 

IT WON’T CHANGE THE SITUATION ANYWAY.

the stay home stay safe will drive people crazy, it doesn’t work on everyone. a person who loves going out will somehow be with the person who loves being home and now they have to get to know each other. you can be any of this particular kind of person and understand what i meant. 

THIS CHANGES THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT LIFE

see, if this situation doesn’t change a person’s perspective about life, then i don’t know what can change them. i myself had thought of it for so many times and tried to understand why… but sometimes there is just no answer. you just let it happen. and see what comes after it. because life keeps happening either i drink too much coffee or i don’t. 

when lockdown happened back in 2020, i didn’t had a back up plan. it was the downfall of all the things listed on my checklist life-goals living outside the country. it was a tough decision.

i had to go home.

…and restart!

❤️J

year 2021 | where have I been?

i’ve been to some trips, nature blending activities, muslim dawah’s conflicts and dramas over YouTube (just because it’s relevant and i can relate to it), jim browning, kitbooga, sadghuru, ask steve harvey clips, crime documentaries, ali abdaal channel, river monster episodes, one after another (just so i can get my endorphin going) gone my way out of malaysia, quarantined, and now home.   

today february 21, around 6am in the morning. freezing cold to what they call typhoon in my place, opened up notification on facebook i’ve been ignoring for many months, not because i don’t feel like it. It’s only because i have been reducing the use of it and i like the feeling of missing something then find it later like a treasure. 

to my surprise, i found a recent posts tagged by a facebook friend, a post i have never expected. her kind of company and understanding skills has surpassed an expression of just a “thank you”. well, i’ve learned to appreciate people. especially their kindness. any kindness. big or small. an act of small kindness may change people’s life. i’d call it, an effort of helping others without any cost. also, if she reads this(and i am hoping so), please know, that i have learn so much from you and i am happy that you became part of my interesting life-story. THANK YOU! writing this because i treasure you! 

fast forward to now, it’s january 2, 2022. sunday morning, on my kitchen table. lots of things had happened and will happen. i’ve got to save it for next ✨

peaceful ya’ll.

J

AUGUST 2020 | MUHARRAM

tomorrow is muharram, the start of the islamic calendar. taking this opportunity to write for a new beginning.

a start. a change. an another alhamdulillah.

if i wanna describe this year in one word, it should be “miracle”.

and so, going along with the meaning of how i describe this year for me, words are running in my mind like they can’t wait to be expressed. events in details are overwhelming they might escape. XD 

i would like to start with gratitude, a “THANK YOU” 😊with a smile on my face remembering this adorable kid yesterday in that small restaurant. i am inspired. not because i was just discovering the power of gratitude but to receive it from a very innocent beautiful being is just pleasing.

to start with this blog, i had tons and tons of drafts starting last year 2019, to write a post and keep up to date with my technotes. haha, i guess i am just a failure. the cycle i went through, i started writing and then put it off, then started another paragraph with the new title and then delete them, then goes back to the previous topic and thought i shouldn’t have deleted the previous one until big events happened. 2019 i started my job as technical representative in a global service desk company in this country. meaning, i am far from my family and i don’t have much family responsibility and so i can keep up with my hobbies, for example sketching, writing and traveling & spots. none of it happened instead i have discovered so many things about me about people about life and of course about how Allah’s plan is always the perfect plan. 

the aftermath of the eventful and intense 2019 to 2020 for me is that (a) no matter how much i wanted to tell mom and dad that i can take care of myself, they will still doubt it and (b) coronavirus has changed my life’s perspective. life is short. family is gold. jobs are temporary. health is wealth. save for yourself. give and give, money, care, kindness, prayer.

as a decision maker for my own life, i have decided to go home and leave this job for good and hopefully i can serve my parents as i have served myself for almost 10 years and counting. a blessing that not everyone could get and i am ready to give something back for them. my time and service. i hope i won’t mess up this time around. making me miss home wasn’t easy. i never missed home i never wanted to go home. i love living outside. hanging out with my friends, knowing people, inspiring people, be inspired, learning stuffs, getting a new language, having a new sports, improving social communication skills until The One who has made everything possible has put it to an end. THANK YOU for the experience. keeping all the good and remember the lessons from the bad.

i am excited to continue this life that has been given to me, keeping in touch with the people i have met outside. i am just blessed, thinking all this was just once was a wish when i was just a poor kid and now it was all getting manifested eventually. can i say subhanallah big time for that! YES! because every time i look back, none of these people, things, experience, skills i have had right now occupied my wish lists back then, except having a laptop. i was a kid i didn’t even know i’ll have it because our parents never inspired us to buy stuffs only because they focus on paying our school tuition fees. but one thing i am sure why this has been a blessing, it is because i was praying a lot, doing my homework as a student. no gadgets available. joined all by my siblings because we are not allowed to play around most of the time. tv watching is limited. playing nintendo is limited. seeing our cousins or hanging out with them is limited. sleeping is limited. We are in an army households and didn’t know our parents are just preparing us towards the crucial world. 

and so, at this very moment, i am glorifying every little things that had happened here and there(previously and present) and all the people i have meet. this is because i am thankful that i still got a chance to be with my family and give service to people with the remaining life i have. 

i am still breathing…

this my friend, if you are reading… i really meant to say that if your plan is accordance with Allah’s plan for you, then you will accomplish it but when it’s not, know that His plan is much much better than yours and in what’s happening in the world right now? nothing is certain except changes and death. my long term plan has always been changing and so does my short term depending on the situation.

i’ll be back and read this in case i will need those words in the future.

writing this blog for August. :) if ever i haven’t mentioned before that every things i have or own i.e. phone, tablet etc, i call them names. 

2020 is a year of appreciating everything we have. and that includes you, being able to read thi again. 

much <3,

js